just tell him i said nine months
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
