Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
