Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
