I got chris browned last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
