So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
