And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize