So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
