I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
