Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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