Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
