Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
