I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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