mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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