I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
