There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
