Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
