remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
