Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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