I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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