My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
