Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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