this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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