This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
