At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
