He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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