I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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