Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
