Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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