Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
