My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
