You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
