so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
