My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
