you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
