HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
