**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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