Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
