You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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