I wanna bring you to show and tell
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
