I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
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There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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