in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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