1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
