I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
