actually, I'm a sock model
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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