I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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