i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
