I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
