Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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