Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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