i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
