Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
