So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
