I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
