She is in my trunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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