whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
