I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
