it hurts more in the daytime
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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