WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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