before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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