I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
