I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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