Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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