Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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