I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've blown a few things in my day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
