That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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