Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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