Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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