I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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