after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
