is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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