I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
