i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
