Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
