i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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