so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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