Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
