dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
