i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
