"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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