If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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