if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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