Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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